Girl. Girl. Girl. If you don't know by now, balance is a major key in this life okay! It seems like 2017 was screaming at me balance and self care tips left and right. But seriously, balance is a major key. Within the past couple years I have realized the importance of self care; a work and life balance, importance of spending time alone to in order recharge myself and get back on track, and the importance of having an hobby and outlet.
In this blog, I want to embark on another area of our lives that requires balance....the dating area. Man oh man, dating these days.
There are so, so many definitions of dating out there! My definition of dating is spending time with one another, getting to know each other, and seeing if there's potential to develop into a relationship, again my definition. In this day and age dating is just.....ever changing.I will say there are great people out there and when you are not looking for them, they'll pop up when you least expect it. Funny how that happens right? It will most likely occur when you are focused on you and not seeking anyone out, you know that finding and loving yourself type of focus.
Sometimes you'll look up and not even realize you're dating someone.You'll catch yourself spending all your free time with them, having no boundaries established; just getting in deep. Then something happens that makes you want to pump your breaks (you don't always do it, nobody is perfect). It forces you to stop and think, "Hey where the hell is this going?" "What the hell am I doing?" "Do I really want to be on this ride?" "Should I get off this roller coaster before its way too late and I'm in too deep?"
Trust me I have been there. I have been in situations where I've been feeling a man more than he was me (I know that's hard to believe right?) or vice versa where he's more into me than I am him. Instead of keeping it real I would string them along for awhile to see if my view or feelings would change for them. They never did. Honesty is always best, never string someone along, that is just rude and selfish, trust me. Keep it real with them, they will respect you more, maybe an actual friendship can evolve from there who knows. But anything built on a lie is sure to crumble, eventually. Stunt if you want, it will all come full circle honey!
I have also been in situations where boundaries weren't discussed and I would catch myself getting upset at situations I had no business getting worked up over because nothing was communicated or defined. Well except of course in my mind; to me, myself, and I. When you catch yourself getting in too deep when dating it's important to take a step back and reevaluate the situation you are in. Not what you believe and assume it to be in your mind, but what the reality is.
Actions speak louder than words. If you are having trouble communicating with someone you're dating, peep their actions and motives when it comes to you. You will be able to tell a lot if they are into you as much as you are feeling them, or if it's a one way street type of deal.
Dating is just that, dating. Have fun, get to know new people, and try different things; this is the time to be selfish with your time and yourself. Do what you want and get to know yourself even more in the process!
I don't know what it is about us beautiful Queens, our minds tend to get ahead of the reality of our situations when starting to see someone. Just take it day by day, or at least try to. Don't assume anything, if you want to know something simply ask, if you feel comfortable.
If you don't feel comfortable communicating with someone you're dating then.....well that is a topic for another blog honey! If you catch yourself getting upset by the answer that's when you have a talk with yourself and say "Hey self, am I really in the position to be trippin' right now or do I need to take a step back in this situation?" That's where the boundaries come into play, make and stick with them! And communicate them so you are both on the same page. I don't know about you but I can read minds and have no time to play guessing games.
People call me boujee (no sure if they say bad and boujee), say I have high standards and you know what....that is perfectly okay with me. Why? Because I know what I like and don't like and I know what I deserve. I wouldn't settle in regard to my career, business, body goals, ambitions, dreams or goals so why would I settle when it comes to dating someone? My time is valuable and I treat it as such so if it isn't there honey, it's just not there, no need to force anything.
Take time to get to know yourself and focus on you! Even date yourself and find what you like and don't like and when you're ready you will know; probably when you least expect it .
As always, work on becoming the best version of yourself. You are your only competition!
Shawnte’, the creator of Soul Health Chronicles is a workout lover and blogger. She is inspired by health and wellness journeys and wanted to create a platform for them to be highlighted and celebrated. She encourages people to work on becoming the best version of yourself and serves as a reminder that you are your only competition!
Learn more and connect with Shawnte’ at www.soulhealthchronicles.com